Coping with Raw Experience

There is a lot of suffering in life.
But the only suffering that can be avoided
is the suffering that results from trying to avoid suffering.

- R. D. Laing

Your future is bound to contain difficult and stressful events, and, generally, there is nothing you can do to protect yourself from the suffering that results from the things that happen. However, some suffering is caused by your reactions to the things that happen. But even if this is true, how can you do anything other than react the way you do?

Strong emotional reactions distort state-dependent phenomena and hinder your access to the cognitive resources required for effective problem solving. To cope with the things that happen you have to keep your head during crisis rather than lose it to a pathogenic state change such as anger, anxiety, or demoralization.

Exercising will in an unpredictable and often cruel world is not for sissies. The ability to follow your path of greatest advantage rather than yield in the direction of least resistance comes at a price. You will have to do what it takes to develop the procedural skills and mental faculties to rise above the automatic reactions of the creature you inhabit.

Your future is bound to contain moments of great stress and temptation. To prevent relapse you will have to act as intended regardless of local circumstance. Animals, and children have no choice but to follow the path of resistance. Your challenge is to develop the skills and faculties that enable you to cope with situations that previously would have provoked self-sabotaging emotional reactions. 

The four paths described below have been developed over the centuries by some remarkable individuals who, like you, had to cope with the events that happened in their lives. If you are not currently in the midst of a crisis, take advantage of this opportunity to enhance the skills and faculties required to cope with the crises you are bound to encounter. 

Sadly, the luxury of the surplus time and cognitive resources to invest in developing emotion-focused coping skills may not be available to you. It is more likely that you will have to acquire a new set of skills during a chapter of your life when your cognitive resources are depleted or otherwise occupied.  This is truly a heroic challenge!  Compared with professional athletes who receive considerable training and glory for their achievements, the demands on you are great but seem trivial. Have respect for what you are up against. You were not born with the ability to remain mindful during a crisis, and this course may be the only emotion-focused training you have received during your lifetime.

Paths of the Hero

  1. The first path involves understanding the distinction between process and outcome. Ironically, attachment to outcomes makes a good outcome less likely, because it distracts attention from good performance and increases emotionality.
    • The Serenity Prayer offers this guidance: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.Here is the wisdom:
      • You do control your behaviors and attitudes, but you need the motivation, courage, and skill to exercise this control.
      • You do not control most everything else, including the past, what other people think and do, and the outcomes of your efforts, so you need  the serenity to accept the things that happen.  For more on this topic please visit: Attachment.

  2. A second path involves exploring your awareness and developing a distinction between your subjective experience and objectively reality. Your subjective reality is not a perfect reflection of objective reality. It is composed of temporary mental events that are influenced by your emotional state at the moment: The same event is interpreted differently when you are angry than when you are glowing with love. The name of this realization is: Meta-Cognitive Awareness. For more on this topic please visit:  Awareness.

  3. A third path involves awakening from the mindless attention to doing and evaluating. Awakening from mindlessness to mindfulness involves an appreciation of the distinction between Doing Mode and Being Mode. When in Doing Mode you are trying to accomplish something, so you have to continually evaluate how things are going so you can make adjustments when necessary. When in Being Mode you are not trying to accomplish anything, so there is no point in evaluating anything or making any adjustments; instead, you can be aware of your experience and accept, whatever it is at the moment, dispassionately. There is a time for Doing and a time for Being. However, for most of us Doing Mode it has become autonomous and requires a discipline to awaken from it. For more on this topic please visit Awakening.

  4. The fourth path is somewhat different from the other three. It involves appreciating the distinction between objective and subjective reality. Hypnotic methods, including self-hypnosis can be quite powerful. Even poorly trained stage hypnotists can get some subjects to do remarkable things; often in just a few minutes. Self-hypnosis is a direct and remarkably effective method for the rational processing system to influence the psychological state of the creature you inhabit. For more on this topic please visit: Intentional Intentional Trance Formation.

Each of these paths offers a way out of the vicious cycle in which events that happen, when filtered through a pathogenic belief structure, provoke overt and covert reactions that strengthen the pathogenic structure.

The traps that promote addictive disorders are all around. If you depend upon an external agent to cope with the things that happen, you will become dependent upon that agent whether it is alcohol, a treatment program, or medication. Freedom from dependence means that you not dependent on something external to yourself to cope with the things that happen.

Attachment > >

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